Well, TOTUS (Teleprompter of the United States) is now talking and has come up with the speech that Barack Obama would have given in 1860 if he were to promote slavery reduction in the same way he is trying to promote abortion reduction today. Here is what he came up with:
"Let me be perfectly clear...uh...I am absolutely opposed...uh...to slavery. We as Americans must...uh...come together, pro-slavery and abolitionist alike...to find common ground...uh...to reduce slavery...I plan to reduce the size of farms...uh...so that one family can farm their land...uh...without the need of additional workers.Thanks to the great Kansas pro-life activist, Bill Sutton, of Proud Catholic Voters Association of Kansas. Please check out Sutton's extremely well-written website, and mark it as a favorite prolife bookmark!
I also plan to tax cotton production, to...uh...discourage Big Cotton. They can grow cotton, but...uh...they'll go bankrupt doing it."
"Now, I'm not deaf to those who face an unfair disadvantage...uh...on Wall Street and on Main Street, because they...uh...don't own slaves. For that reason, until we can reduce the need for slavery...uh...I'm now signing an executive order that makes slavery legal in...uh...all 40 of our states [editor's note: yes, I know there were only 33 states at the time, but if Barry is to be consistent with regard to the 57 states he seems to recognize now, then we need to slide the scale a bit.]
I am also going to mandate...uh...that Congress pass a budget that will include federal funding...uh...for anyone who needs a slave, but can't currently afford one. We need to level the playing field."
And that is how...uh...we're going to reduce slavery...uh...during my term of office.